Now before anyone gets excited, I should point out that it was a Raven, and it was perched on the bedside table, attempting to keep one eye on me and the other on Tazer the cat, who crouched threateningly on the other side of the bed.
How long this bizarre stand-off had been going on between said razor sharp-beaked Corvus, and the feline killing machine, I have no idea. Nor can I imagine how on earth the cat had managed to catch the bird, let alone drag it through the cat flap and into my room. Jeez! It was as big as him.
What I do know, was the shock I felt when……
Upon a morning waking, eyes both red and bleary
Tongue still thick and swollen, weary. Weary from the night before
I spied a dark-winged Raven. A Corvus henceforth called Lenore,
Sitting frightened, quaking; shaking by my door.
Of the words, I uttered, whilst by Morpheus still enshuttered,
I shall not speak, no nor repeat them, Nevermore.
If you really must know what I uttered then if you solve the anagram; “Whitest hit that has!” you will have worked it out for yourself.
Anyway, my expletive certainly broke the deadlock, as the bird launched herself into the air, across the room and straight into the window, closely followed by an adrenalized tabby and a naked yours truly.
With a swift downward jab of her harpoon-like beak, Lenore quickly sent her feline foe scampering from the room to lick his wounds, leaving myself standing bemused in my birthday suit while a shower of black feathers fell gently down about me.
As Lenore was seemingly unhurt, I opened the bedroom window, closed the door and retired to the en suite bathroom to put on a robe and consider my options. To be truthful, I was hoping she would find her own way out through the window, but when I returned, she was still there.
If I had been Austin Powers, I would, of course, have made her breakfast, offered to get her a taxi home and promised to call. Oh come on guys and gals, you’ve all been there! Unfortunately, she wasn’t that type of bird.
So what to do?
I considered the traditional well-thrown towel approach and the trail of breadcrumbs strategy, but neither of them seemed likely to succeed. Nor did holding a pillow in either hand while herding the bird towards the open window produce any joy. That just added an extra snowy winter effect to the feathers on the carpet. Yuk!
Eventually, I managed to catch her in the long-handled net I usually use for cleaning the pool. This also had the benefit of keeping a goodly distance between me and her vicious beak. Releasing her at the bottom of the garden shortly thereafter, I am pleased to report that, after a quick shake of her wings and a disdainful toss of her head to indicate her dignity was still intact, she took to the air and disappeared off across the bay.
Sitting here with a glass of wine in the early hours of the morning, I am reflecting on what Tazer will bring in next. This year’s murder spree started with small lizards followed by voles and then mice and birds in ever-increasing size.
Apart from the crow, which might have been Zen, Lenore is the biggest prey yet. What next I ask myself? A fox, a badger?
Christ, I am glad we don’t have lions on Jersey. But there again, there are Gorillas at Durrell Zoo!